9 Tips to Help You Communicate With Your Teen

Yesterday we talked about being desperate to communicate with our teens, but how can we communicate when some days the only interaction we get is an evil eye roll?

Also, there are three books I have read and highly recommend when it comes to communicating with your teen; How To Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Parenting a Teenager, and Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: 

 

Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind. All three books offer great advice to understanding and reaching your crazy (and I mean that as a term of endearment) teen.

So what are your tips? How do you communicate with your teens?

Give her your undivided attention. We’re parents. We’re busy. But we need to make time for our kids. Sometimes it feels like they’ve gotten so independent they don’t need us anymore. But they do. Put the Blackberry away. Shut down your laptop and just concentrate on your teen.

Don’t force him. Ask “Do you want to talk?” and if the answer is “no” then respect that. Sometimes teens (and sometimes parents) just want to be left alone. But let him now you are there if and when he is ready to talk.

Fight fair. Don’t bring up the past. Don’t say, “You always do this. Remember in the 2nd grade when I couldn’t get you to…” That’s not going to help anything. Stick to the issue at hand. Present your case. And then really listen to your teen’s rebuttal. Try to be understanding, but still be firm.

Share your day. We all know what the answer to “how as school today?” So instead of asking that question, tell your teen about your day. When you open up, it may get him to open up. Tell him about a funny conversation you had with a co-worker. Or about somebody that really ticked you off that day and see if he has any advice. Get him talking.

Be part of her world. Ask her if she heard the new Katie Perry song. Or how her friend’s surgery went. Or if the history test was hard. Know what’s going on in her life and show your interest.

Be sympathetic. If her boyfriend breaks her heart don’t say, “I told you that boy was no good.” Instead give her a shoulder to cry on. Let her talk about her feelings. Ask her what you can do to make her feel better. Pull out the ice cream and two spoons (you can count calories tomorrow).

Reach him the way he likes to be reached. Send him an email with the itinerary for the weekend family plans. Text him “I love you” so he knows you’re thinking about him. Create your own World of Warcraft character and try to figure out how to play that dang game. Send him a funny message on Facebook.

Ease up a little. Or as we like to say, “pick your battles.” Teenagers don’t respond to constant nagging. Stay firm on the big issues and let the little issues fly. Let your teen face the consequences of their decision and be there with a tissue if they fail.

Ask her opinion. Don’t just tell her what to do. Give her options. Ask her to choose the family activity for the weekend or ask her what chores she thinks she should do or what she thinks her punishment should be. Give her some input and honestly listen to what she has to say.